Wow, now that I’m actually getting some data from my web tracker gizmo thing, this is really fun. In a manner somewhat similar to the title character in the Philip K. Dick story “The Golden Man,” I can now envision infinite multiverses of glorious time-wasting unfolding before me. I wish I had set this up a long time ago, so that I had, for example, two years worth of data to pore over rather than two days.

Let’s see, one person found my “Blood of Virgins” page by Googling “blood fantasy websites.” I hope that my quiet tale of dragons, romantic insecurity, and oil politics is just what this person was looking for.

Though I sorta doubt it.

Some highlights from author events I’ve been to recently:

Lee Child was asked which actor would be playing his series character Jack Reacher in the upcoming film. Child said, “The way things are going right now, the actor who will play Reacher has not yet been born.” That’s such a good line that I bet he must’ve stolen it from someone else, but that’s okay, since I fully intend to steal it from him if ever get the chance to use it.

Charles Baxter told a story about flying to France to receive a literary award. The award itself consisted of a fancy silver fountain pen. Baxter stuck the pen in his coat pocket and promptly forgot about it — until he was heading home and going through airport security, where he set off the metal detector. The guards wouldn’t let him take the pen through security, and he was forced to leave it behind.

D.J. MacHale and a fan hatched a plan to go to Disneyland the day the new Harry Potter book comes out, on the theory that all the kids will be home reading Harry Potter and it’ll be possible to go on all the rides and everything without any lines or noisy kids underfoot.

I set up a new gizmo to keep more detailed stats for my website, but so far I’m not getting much. Either no one besides me has visited my site recently (which is deplorable, though not impossible), or else this gizmo’s not working right. I’d really appreciate if a few people could visit my site so I can test out whether this thing is working.

Edit: Okay, that’s more like it. Thanks, guys. It seems to be working.

In response to my post about the new Transformers trailer, asks “but does the car have sex?” In case you were wondering what that was all about, I’ll explain that this is a (slightly exaggerated) reference to my story “Transformations,” my wry, affectionate, and slightly warped take on the pop culture phenomenon of robots that transform into cars, and the boys that love them. And yes, the story does feature a sex scene involving a transforming robot, but no, not like that.

Anyway, normally I wouldn’t even mention it, but now my wild enthusiasm for the Tranformers movie is tempered by mortal terror that the movie is going to “steal” some of my ideas, and that then my story, which I wrote back in January, won’t seem as fresh when the story finally comes out in Realms of Fantasy magazine late this year or early next. So I’m just going to state right now that if the movie features either a sex scene that takes place inside a transforming robot in its car form, or if the movie includes the idea that you could smash a person into pulp by having the car transform into a robot while the passenger was still inside, I did it first.

Of course, hopefully the movie won’t use these (or any of my other) ideas, and will just feature lots of robots blowing each other up, in which case I’ll be very happy. And one of my (many, many — ridiculously many, actually) fantasies is that the makers of the movie will read my story and then say to themselves, “Duh! Why didn’t we think of that? Man, from now on let’s give this guy a billion dollars to think up stuff like that for us.” And then transforming robots from outer space would hear about me and seek me out and say, “We’ve been hiding in plain view this whole time, just waiting to reveal ourselves to one special human being who really understands us.” And then the robots would whisk me off on an interstellar adventure, and I’d save the universe, and … well, you get the idea. Okay, seriously, I know, that’s a little outlandish. I’d just settle for the billion dollars.

A few weeks ago I met TV writer Jeffrey Stepakoff, and I just finished reading his new book Billion-Dollar Kiss: The Kiss That Saved Dawson’s Creek and Other Adventures in TV Writing. The book is a quick, fun read, and I learned a ton about the TV writing business. I would definitely recommend the book to anyone who’s thinking about working in TV. I really had no idea how much the rise of “reality TV” was tied to disputes between writers and executives in Hollywood. For example, most “reality” shows are so fake that they require almost as much writing as scripted shows — inventing characters (who are then “cast”), staging dramatic events, and constructing character arcs in post-production. But people who work on reality shows aren’t called “writers,” aren’t members of the Guild, and are paid very poorly — and executives like it that way. Anyway, really interesting stuff.

Um, if you haven’t seen the new trailer for Transformers, well … you really should.

I just noticed that over at the Realms of Fantasy message board there was a poll for best story of 2006, and my “Blood of Virgins” is in the lead. Wow. I’m humbled, and I’d just like to thank everyone who voted for me. Both of you.

I decided my welcome page needed some more random text as a visual element, so I had to come up with some catchy phrase to give visitors some idea of what to expect from my fiction. What I came up with was “Offbeat, whimsical fiction blending fantasy, science fiction, politics, and pop culture,” which I think isn’t bad. I may keep it, I may change it, I don’t know. Anyway, I wondered who else out on the internet might be described as “offbeat” and “whimsical,” so I asked my pal Google, and this led me to discover Miranda July. Her short story collection looks kind of cool, I’ll probably get it. And I can’t speak for the fiction, but her website is certainly “offbeat” and “whimsical.”

I am beginning to strongly suspect that my car is inhabited by an invisible, mischievous gremlin who delights in knocking my rear view window askew every single time I’m away from the car.

I spiffed up my website with this welcome page.

Yesterday I drove up to Malibu to see an appearance by Rutger Hauer, who played the malevolent and romantic Roy Batty in Blade Runner. Apparently a new cut of Blade Runner is set to be released in theaters, which is cool. I first watched Blade Runner as a kid, and the scene where Rachel discovers that she’s a replicant and that all her memories were taken from other people and implanted into her to make her seem more human had a profound impact on me, and that scene still probably rates as my all-time #1 movie moment.

On the drive home, I noticed a black cloud hanging over the city. At first I thought it was just typical L.A. smog, but as I moved east I saw that Griffith Park was on fire. I mean really, really on fire, with huge gouts of flame shooting up all over the hillside. It was quite a spectacle. All throughout the city people gathered on corners or bridges to watch or even videotape the fire.

The Chuck Palahnhiuk reading was pretty intense. I went two hours early, and the large courtyard at Vroman’s was already pretty much full. Hundreds and hundreds of people eventually showed up. It was a young crowd — I’d guess 80% of the attendees were 16-24 — and tattoos and piercings were much in evidence. There were also a lot of people, including a lot of guys, wearing wedding dresses. Palahnhiuk cycled between reading short fiction, telling stomach-turning anecdotes, answering questions, reading notable fan letters, and asking trivia questions about his books. (Answering one of these questions correctly would win you a giant inflatable moose head.) Each time Palahnhiuk offered to answer a question, the teenage girl sitting in front of me would whimper, squirm ecstatically, throw up her arms, and cry out, “Mr. Chuck! Mr. Chuck!” But he never called on her. I really enjoyed his short story “Cold Calling,” about a teenage guy who works in telemarketing and is constantly being harangued by the ignorant folks he calls because they all assume he’s from India. At the end of the event, Palahniuk tossed dozens of inflatable hamburgers and severed limbs into the crowd.

Some of the Authors@Google videos are worth checking out. Of particular interest are John Scalzi, Jonathan Lethem, Kelly Link & Karen Joy Fowler, and Neil Gaiman. I particularly enjoyed Neil Gaiman’s take on Hollywood, which goes basically: In fairy tales, you do work for the fairies, and the fairies pay you huge piles of gold, but in the morning all the gold turns into leaves and blows away. In Hollywood it’s the opposite. In Hollywood, you get paid huge piles of gold, and you get to keep the gold, but in the morning all your work turns into leaves and blows away.

Audrey Niffenegger gave a terrific talk. She was a lot quirkier than I had been imagining. (In a good way.) She listed among her interests comic books and taxidermy, and when asked to recommend authors, the first one she named was Kelly Link. I was impressed enough that I ended up shelling out for a print version of The Time Traveler’s Wife so I could have her sign it, even though I’d already paid for and listened to the audiobook version. (I listened to it while bicycling around the Netherlands, which as far as I’m concerned is just about the perfect way to experience an audiobook.)

Yesterday I went over to the Hammer museum to see readings by some of the authors listed by Granta as the best young (under 35) fiction writers. Oddly, my name doesn’t seem to appear on the list anywhere. Must be a typo. Anyway, the readings were fun. Tonight I think I’m going to head over to Vroman’s to try to see Chuck Palanhuik, though I have a feeling the place is going to be mobbed.

I got my contract from Realms of Fantasy for “Transformations.” The story is (tentatively) scheduled for the December 2007 issue.

I’m planning to go see Audrey Niffenegger (author of The Time Traveler’s Wife) tomorrow at Santa Monica college. (Details.) If anyone else goes, come say hi to me.

I just noticed that there’s a trailer out for The Itty Bitty Titty Committee, and I’m in it! At fifty seconds, during a brief shot of a protest, watch the left side of the screen.

Last week, while I was eating lunch at USC, a student approached me and asked if I’d be willing to be a research subject for an experiment involving the Nintendo Wii. I said sure. The experiment involved me trying to answer questions and solve word problems while playing Wii Tennis. I’d never played Wii before, but I went undefeated at Wii Tennis. (I was the only research subject to do so, according to the students running the experiment.) I was told to make my in-game character look as much like myself as possible. So, as instructed, I spent five minutes carefully and artistically constructing a devilishly handsome tennis player who looked exactly like me — except for the fact that I have arms and my head is not the same size as the rest of my body put together. But then I wasn’t allowed to play with the guy I’d created, and instead had to play with a character who looked nothing like me. I guess part of the experiment was gauging the effect of playing with a character who didn’t look like you. To quote the research subject student at the beginning of Ghostbusters: “The effect? I’ll tell you what the effect is! It’s pissing me off!”

Tonight I tried to go see street magician Criss Angel at Book Soup in West Hollywood. I have never actually watched Angel’s TV show, Mindfreak, but I was curious to see how a professional showman handles an author appearance. I thought maybe I could pick up some pointers. For example, would my readings be more engaging if I read my stories while levitating? I imagined at least fifty people would show up, and since Book Soup in West Hollywood has room to seat about eight, I figured I’d better show up early. Alas, I dramatically underestimated Angel’s popularity. I got to the store an hour and a half early, but there were still about forty people ahead of me in line. I decided I wasn’t going to get a seat, and chose instead to stroll the Sunset Strip. When I came back two hours later, people (many of them wearing Mindfreak T-shirts) were still lined up around the block. This made me think of something I learned at the Literary Marketplace panel my program hosted last week. The literary agent guest talked about the importance, particularly if you want to write nonfiction, of having a “platform” — that is, a pre-existing audience for your book. She explained that if, for example, you have your own TV show, publishers are more likely to publish your book and readers are more likely to buy it. I thought that this was great, practical advice for someone like me. Now all I need is my own TV show.

The interview I did for Podible Paradise is now up. Also, check out my website’s newly expanded Media page.

Just a reminder that tomorrow at 4:30 p.m. in Santa Clarita I’ll be on a panel to discuss Ray Bradbury and science fiction. My co-panelists will be Larry Niven, Harry Turtledove, Steven Gould, David Gerrold, and Sheila Finch. More info here.