Here’s a photo and news story that appeared in a newspaper in Qatar:

Mysterious figure ‘spotted’

A mysterious figure resembling a human being was sighted on the Doha Corniche’s parking lot, according to a report published in a local Arabic daily. The report is based on the statement of an Arab expatriate lady who said she had seen the strange figure near the Oryx statue while walking in the area. Quoting the woman, the daily said she took a picture of it in spite of being terribly frightened. “She was very soon surrounded by a large number of people who also attested to the fact of what she had seen. But it suddenly disappeared out of their sight when they tried to go near it,” the report added.

Well, this report seems reliable. I mean, there were a “large number” of witnesses present who backed up her story. The article says so itself.

But still I felt sure that there must be a rational explanation, and sure enough, someone pointed out that this “alien” bears a striking resemblance to a well-known toy:

So there you have it. Nothing to see here. No aliens. Just another case of a toy magically coming to life and running around scaring people.

Wow, this is a new one to me. Apparently vaccines harm psychic abilities. Just take it from Zulu shaman Credo Mutwa:

“I noticed that school children in mission schools who had been vaccinated for smallpox or measles could not see spiritual entities at all. A flying saucer would fly through the sky at great speed and be seen by many men & women but the children who had been vaccinated would see nothing and I noticed this hundreds of times.”

Wait, so this guy’s seen flying saucers hundreds of times? While I’ve never even seen one crummy flying saucer? But then, I suppose was vaccinated. One more thing to blame my parents for, I guess. On the other hand, I’ve never died of any easily preventable illnesses either, so it kind of balances out.

So the other day I passed a woman who was bringing her groceries home in a cart pulled by a St. Bernard. Wow, I thought. Never seen that one before. I guess that’s one way to beat high gas prices. I went on google to see if I could find a photo of one of these dog-drawn carts, and actually there are tons. I guess this shouldn’t have surprised me so much. I mean, we’ve all heard of dogsleds right? Here’s an example of dog cart:

“Hey baby, you want a ride?”

But I also came across carts driven by even more unlikely animals. For, example you’ve got your lion carts:

And of course your moose carts:

(I was thinking, if McCain wins, maybe Palin will ride into Washington on a moose-drawn chariot. That’s about the only thing I can think of that would turn this election into even more of a circus than it’s become in recent days.)

After I found the moose cart, I started googling “cart pulled by” + the most improbable animals I could think of. I tried “ostrich,” and then thought “no effing way” as this actually came up:

I also found this picture:

I can’t really even describe how much I hate that the guy in the bowler hat, who apparently beats those tiny little pigs with his massive stick in order to get them to lug his milk jugs around. I mean fine, use a pig for a beast of burden … if you’re Willow. But this guy here should be pulling his own damn milk cart if you ask me, and he certainly shouldn’t be placing a further burden on the pigs by giving rides to his dopey-looking friends.

I was unable to find any photos of carts pulled by panthers, hippos, or polar bears, but, you know, that’s why I like fantasy.

My February 15th blog post about Bigfoot living on Mars is drawing an awful lot of internet traffic. I sometimes wonder what kind of reactions I’m getting from people out there on the net who are seeking information about Bigfoot. Elizabeth posts this response:

Are they really called bigfootologists? I had a really good laugh reading this and if you were serious, I apologize (but it’s funny!)

Hi Elizabeth. Thanks for taking the time to post a comment. I’m happy to hear that my blog made you laugh. And yeah, I was just kidding. I mean, I wasn’t kidding about them being called “Bigfootologists,” that’s actually true, but all the rest of that stuff was just me being silly. Obviously Bigfoot doesn’t own a UFO or live on Mars.

Actually Bigfoot lives in my closet. I am dead #*@&ing serious about this.

Glad I could clear that up.

Holy Crap! Courtesy of NASA, incontrovertible photographic evidence that Bigfoot lives on Mars!

This story is getting some serious television coverage, including FOX News, so I’m sure the odds of this turning out to actually be Bigfoot and not, say, a rock are roughly one hundred percent. Possibly one-ten.

Geez, doesn’t NASA normally censor this stuff? Someone must’ve slipped up big time. Why, next thing you know word is going to leak out that there are aliens at Area 51. (This is currently a closely-guarded secret known only to NASA, the CIA, me, and a few other people.)

Close analysis of the complete NASA Mars image reveals a few facts about Bigfoot that were not previously known. For example, he is approximately one inch tall, and instead of legs he possesses only a solid, rocklike mass below the waist — just what you’d expect from a creature named for leaving enormous footprints everywhere he goes.

This all reminds me of a time when I was watching TLC (The Learning Channel — possibly the most inaccurately named television channel in all of human history), and they had on this program about a Bigfoot convention. According to the show, there is a schism in the Bigfoot community between the old-school Bigfootologists, who believe that Bigfoot is merely a rare primate, and the new-wave Bigfootologists, who believe that Bigfoot is a supernatural creature who lives aboard a UFO. Old-school Bigfootologists really resent seeing the rigorously scientific discipline of Bigfootology invaded by a bunch of kooks who just believe stuff for which there’s no evidence whatsoever. New-wave Bigfootologists retort that if Bigfoot were simply an ordinary primate then we would have long ago found definitive proof of his existence, and the fact that we haven’t must mean that — duh — he lives on a UFO.

So answer me this all you stuck-up old school Bigfootologists. If Bigfoot doesn’t live on a UFO, then how did he get to Mars?!

Pwned.

Advertisers get out of my head!!!

Just now I awoke and, bleary-eyed, browsed the internet. I saw an ad out of the corner of my eye, and my first reaction was, “You have got to be kidding me. Worst cross-promotion EVER.” Then I looked again and saw that it had just been my imagination — an imagination utterly corrupted and co-opted by decades of relentless corporate advertising.

Anyway, the actual ad looked like this:

But at first what I saw was this: